Now that I’m at a more mature age I’m finding out about ageism and the supposed problems we have as we age.

There are several things I hear that I am to expect as I glide on to the end. One is forgetfulness, as in, I can’t remember why I came into this room in the first place. It happens from time to time but I am not finding that it is from losing my memory, on the contrary, I’m finding it to be happening because I have too much memory. I’ve noticed that from the time I have made the decision to go to another room to locate something and the time it takes for me to get into the room, I have had multiple thoughts on the way. So when I find myself standing there trying to remember why I started the journey in the first place my mind is still wrapped up in one of the thoughts I had on the way. To counter this situation in the beginning I tell myself 3 times why I’m headed in that direction and don’t let my mind wander on the way there. I think as we get more life experiences along the way our memory banks fill up and the chatter we have seems to want to carry on as we go. I don’t think this is based on forgetfulness but on too much self-talk. I also think, at least for me, that at this point in my life, I just don’t care about a lot of things that mattered to me earlier in life. I’m at the age now that when I go in for my yearly check-up I get the dreaded cognitive test. Simple questions that appear as important to the questioner. Like what day it is. I don’t care what day it is, the importance of what day it is doesn’t exist anymore in my reality. The only reason I know it’s Wednesday is because I have this doctor’s appointment. My phone told me that. Then another test gives me 5 random names to remember which I usually get four out of five but when they later ask me to say them in reverse order I just laugh because by that time I really really don’t care. Then there is the clock test where they give you a circle and tell you to put the numbers and hands in the right place to show 10 to 2. This one cracks me up because I know that I can do this better than most high school students. When I finish I make a small box and put in the time digitally so the young woman giving me the test will understand that I have the right time.

Over the years I have traveled the world and met a lot of people. I can remember a person’s face, usually can remember where and when I met them. But if you tell me your name and walk away I already don’t remember it, not because of a memory lapse but because I don’t care. When someone asks me who my doctor is I say “Sarah” cuz that’s her name but her last name didn’t stick because when I see her I’m only going to greet her as “Sarah”.

It seems as I get older time seems to be moving faster. A month goes by so fast and if it weren’t for the seasons I might not remember what part of the year I’m in. My gardening is involved so it is more important that I know what time of year it is and for that reason I do care.

I really don’t like when someone asks me “So what do you have planned for the day?” They always seem shocked when I say” I don’t know yet.” Coffee in the morning is usually the plan, maybe take the dog to the beach for a walk. I’ve got many options, just let me finish this second cup and I will pick one.

The one downfall of this “I don’t care” attitude is bills. This one gets away from me from time to time. Usually the dreaded “Your bill is past due and we are going to turn off your power on this date if you don’t pay today”. And my response is usually “Ok that’s important but what day is today?” Birthday anniversaries are another one that I just can’t be bothered with, even my own. I’ve found that every year I have a birthday anniversary I get a year older so that didn’t seem like a good system so I gave it up. I think as we age we have the right to decide what’s important to remember and what’s not. We have history in our brains memory banks and if we want to wander back and appreciate our journey it’s up to us. When I get real with myself and think that I have twenty or thirty years ahead of me I like the idea of slowing down. Enjoying the things going on at the moment. Taking advantage of what is happening right this moment rather than looking forward to future holidays.

When most folks are young, looking to start a career, I flipped the script and decided to retire. I wanted to travel the world while I was young and had my adventurous spirit raging and so thats what I did.

Now at this age, I don’t have the same desire to travel to faraway places. I like simpler things like walking in nature, good coffee in the morning, clean sheets, and lots of animals around. I’m finding that I’m more comfortable in solitude rather than in group events. I’ve always been a daydreamer so with the history I have compiled I have plenty of material to draw from. I think that I have earned the right to not care about the things in my life that are mundane and repetitive. I just want to live in the only time that really matters and that is in the present moment because that is the only time that truly exists.